1.26.2010
Project Milk
I think I'm going to become a milk donor.
I get regular emails from the U.S. Breastfeeding Committee, a group charged with raising breastfeeding rates in the U.S. (which are much lower than in the rest of the developed world, just so you know), researching a wide range of issues related to breastfeeding, and generally promoting the importance of human milk. Today, they put out an urgent call for milk donation. They're partnering with other organizations like La Leche League International to send human milk to Haiti, but for now, while Haiti doesn't have the infrastructure to support international milk donation (e.g., refrigeration and reliable shipping methods), they're also hoping to build up supplies in American milk banks, which are usually woefully short of the supply that's needed for premature and sick infants unable to take formula.
I didn't know milk donation even existed when Kent was a baby, and since the composition of a mother's milk changes so much as her child grows, he was too old for me to donate by the time I learned about it. I've been thinking that I ought to look into it this time around, and several months ago, I even offered to pump extra milk for a friend of mine in town who's an adoptive parent, if they decide to adopt another baby any time soon. Still, I'd sort of been sitting on the idea, since this friend may not be adopting this year, and I hadn't done any research about milk banks or what it would take to get started as a donor. If the USBC hadn't put out this call today, I'm not sure I ever would have followed up on it. But the more I thought about it today, the more I thought, "Wow, this is something I can do to help babies in need. And I can start in just a few weeks."
As much as I talk about wanting to do volunteer work when my kids get older, I feel really inadequate right now, since being a stay-at-home mom precludes a lot of the work I would ordinarily seek out. But donating milk? It's not only something I can do while I have a baby; it's something I can do because I have a baby. That window won't be open forever. And so few women do it.
Milk donation is a huge investment of time and energy, first of all because pumping is no picnic. And this requires a lot of pumping, way more than I would need to do just to build up a supply in the freezer for the few times I need to be away from my own baby. The more I've learned today, though, the easier the whole process seems. There's a bank in Austin, TX, (the closest one to us) that will pay for the blood screenings they require, and they'll send me storage containers and a shipping cooler and pay for me to ship the milk to them on dry ice. They were thrilled to get back to me after I sent them an email this afternoon, because they have a lot of trouble keeping up with the demand out there, even in the U.S. I'm sure there aren't many women who make such a commitment; I tend to run with a very pro-breastfeeding crowd, and none of us has ever donated milk, even though some of my friends have talked about it. Knowing what I know about how few people donate blood who are able, I can't imagine what a small percentage there must be of lactating women who donate their milk.
Even though the idea of helping Haitians was the kick in the pants I needed to get started on this, I'm okay with my milk helping American babies instead, especially right now while Haiti is unable to receive it. I feel like Haitians would also probably be more receptive to the idea of wet nurses than Americans would, so I hope that's an option right now while so many babies are left needing human milk.
This bank requires a large initial donation — 200 ounces for the first shipment I send them — since it costs a lot for them to get a donor set up and I'm sure they want to make sure I'm serious. Other banks have minimums as low as 100 ounces, which would take much less time to build up, but it just depends on their individual requirements. They do have a lower minimum for people who are able to drop off their donations in person, but since Louisiana doesn't have a bank, this is what I'm going to do. I'm sure it'll take me a couple of months and some borrowed freezer space at friends' houses to build up 200 ounces, but at least my subsequent donations can be smaller.
On a related note, I've also been hearing from a friend of mine about an organization called Milkshare that a lot of people go through. Unlike a milk bank, which combines donations from a lot of women, pasteurizes their milk in large batches, and distributes it to hospitals and families (who usually have to pay per ounce to cover costs), Milkshare facilitates something a little more personal, sort of like an open adoption. It helps individual donors and families find and select each other, and then it's up to them to work out what sort of health screenings the donor will undergo and to make shipping/reimbursement arrangements, and pasteurization is something that's left up to the receiving family. Apparently there are home pasteurization kits. Who knew? Well, Pasteur knew... but I didn't.
So this is quite a project, eh? I'm thinking of it the way I would think of any new volunteering or community service project. I might make myself a sticker chart — after all, stickers do wonders for Kent's motivation to use the potty, so maybe they work on moms as well. I'm so excited about this and can't wait for the screening call from Austin to make sure I'm eligible. If anyone else wants to join Project Milk, let me know. I'm not expecting a response, really, but it doesn't hurt to put the information out there, start the conversation, and see where it travels.
I get regular emails from the U.S. Breastfeeding Committee, a group charged with raising breastfeeding rates in the U.S. (which are much lower than in the rest of the developed world, just so you know), researching a wide range of issues related to breastfeeding, and generally promoting the importance of human milk. Today, they put out an urgent call for milk donation. They're partnering with other organizations like La Leche League International to send human milk to Haiti, but for now, while Haiti doesn't have the infrastructure to support international milk donation (e.g., refrigeration and reliable shipping methods), they're also hoping to build up supplies in American milk banks, which are usually woefully short of the supply that's needed for premature and sick infants unable to take formula.
I didn't know milk donation even existed when Kent was a baby, and since the composition of a mother's milk changes so much as her child grows, he was too old for me to donate by the time I learned about it. I've been thinking that I ought to look into it this time around, and several months ago, I even offered to pump extra milk for a friend of mine in town who's an adoptive parent, if they decide to adopt another baby any time soon. Still, I'd sort of been sitting on the idea, since this friend may not be adopting this year, and I hadn't done any research about milk banks or what it would take to get started as a donor. If the USBC hadn't put out this call today, I'm not sure I ever would have followed up on it. But the more I thought about it today, the more I thought, "Wow, this is something I can do to help babies in need. And I can start in just a few weeks."
As much as I talk about wanting to do volunteer work when my kids get older, I feel really inadequate right now, since being a stay-at-home mom precludes a lot of the work I would ordinarily seek out. But donating milk? It's not only something I can do while I have a baby; it's something I can do because I have a baby. That window won't be open forever. And so few women do it.
Milk donation is a huge investment of time and energy, first of all because pumping is no picnic. And this requires a lot of pumping, way more than I would need to do just to build up a supply in the freezer for the few times I need to be away from my own baby. The more I've learned today, though, the easier the whole process seems. There's a bank in Austin, TX, (the closest one to us) that will pay for the blood screenings they require, and they'll send me storage containers and a shipping cooler and pay for me to ship the milk to them on dry ice. They were thrilled to get back to me after I sent them an email this afternoon, because they have a lot of trouble keeping up with the demand out there, even in the U.S. I'm sure there aren't many women who make such a commitment; I tend to run with a very pro-breastfeeding crowd, and none of us has ever donated milk, even though some of my friends have talked about it. Knowing what I know about how few people donate blood who are able, I can't imagine what a small percentage there must be of lactating women who donate their milk.
Even though the idea of helping Haitians was the kick in the pants I needed to get started on this, I'm okay with my milk helping American babies instead, especially right now while Haiti is unable to receive it. I feel like Haitians would also probably be more receptive to the idea of wet nurses than Americans would, so I hope that's an option right now while so many babies are left needing human milk.
This bank requires a large initial donation — 200 ounces for the first shipment I send them — since it costs a lot for them to get a donor set up and I'm sure they want to make sure I'm serious. Other banks have minimums as low as 100 ounces, which would take much less time to build up, but it just depends on their individual requirements. They do have a lower minimum for people who are able to drop off their donations in person, but since Louisiana doesn't have a bank, this is what I'm going to do. I'm sure it'll take me a couple of months and some borrowed freezer space at friends' houses to build up 200 ounces, but at least my subsequent donations can be smaller.
On a related note, I've also been hearing from a friend of mine about an organization called Milkshare that a lot of people go through. Unlike a milk bank, which combines donations from a lot of women, pasteurizes their milk in large batches, and distributes it to hospitals and families (who usually have to pay per ounce to cover costs), Milkshare facilitates something a little more personal, sort of like an open adoption. It helps individual donors and families find and select each other, and then it's up to them to work out what sort of health screenings the donor will undergo and to make shipping/reimbursement arrangements, and pasteurization is something that's left up to the receiving family. Apparently there are home pasteurization kits. Who knew? Well, Pasteur knew... but I didn't.
So this is quite a project, eh? I'm thinking of it the way I would think of any new volunteering or community service project. I might make myself a sticker chart — after all, stickers do wonders for Kent's motivation to use the potty, so maybe they work on moms as well. I'm so excited about this and can't wait for the screening call from Austin to make sure I'm eligible. If anyone else wants to join Project Milk, let me know. I'm not expecting a response, really, but it doesn't hurt to put the information out there, start the conversation, and see where it travels.
Labels: LLL, Project Milk
- posted by erica 1/26/2010 09:38:00 PM
- 8 comments
7.01.2009
Balancing things
Oh my. Pregnancy and an almost-2-year-old. And that almost-2-year-old's birthday party in two days. It's getting exciting, people.
Yesterday was a rotten day in terms of how I was feeling. It was my first throw-up day, and I just wanted my mommy. I think I only had about three of those days when I was pregnant with Kent (though I had my two and a half months of constant nausea and motion sickness), and all of the incidents occurred when I was rushing around and trying to get a lot done. My favorite memory is of being doubled over by the side of I-10 on the way to the airport at Christmas, then getting to the airport too late for our very early flight because I just couldn't get it together. While I was being sick yesterday morning, Kent was in his room playing, and for some reason he found the sound of it hilarious, so he was giggling the whole time. I thought, "Well, at least I'm entertaining him." It actually made it a little more bearable, surprisingly. Afterward, we got through a fun playgroup and made it home in one piece, but once I realized he wasn't going to take a nap when we got home, I completely ran out of energy and spent the rest of the afternoon lying on the sofa with movies in the DVD player. Every time I moved, I felt the nausea hit me again, so I tried to remain motionless except for cooking myself a potato in the oven. I managed to hold off on calling Jack until 3:30, when I begged him to come home an hour early. Yeck. I'm really thankful that I have that option, but I can't do it often, or he won't have any vacation time for travels or for when the baby comes.
And there's Kent's party. I'm excited, even though I feel like crap on toast most days. Party prep is going well so far, and things are mostly under control. We're going to have a sunny (read: ridiculously hot) morning at the sprayground with friends, lunchy foods and a cake, and a book swap for all the kids so that everyone gets to go home with a new book and nobody feels like they have to bring a gift for Kent. There are a few gazebos at the sprayground, and a friend of mine who lives nearby has offered to get there early to help claim a gazebo, so we should at least have some respite from the sun while we're eating and visiting. When I asked Kent about a cake several months ago, he informed me that he wanted a yellow cake with blue frosting. This quickly became a Nemo party in my mind, so we're having Nemo and fishy decorations. I'm trying this recipe and making blue cream cheese frosting instead of the whipped stuff it calls for, because I never get tired of cream cheese frosting. Also, I assembled all the little treat bags today, with stickers, Swedish fish, Goldfish crackers, Nemo splash balls (we have to have SOME kind of water toy), and a fun squiggly straw for each kid. Tomorrow's highlights will include grocery shopping for the remaining lunch items, and baking the cake. I'm also working in some rest time, since our wonderful friend Mary is taking Kent for part of the afternoon. I have really needed some rest time lately but have felt like a totally lame mom for popping him in front of a movie every day, even though I keep telling myself that it's only for the next month or so.
The reason we're not having enough rest time is that Kent's naps have been sporadic for the last couple of weeks, because we've weaned. Celebrate this new phase of his big-boyhood! I always had nursing until age 2 in the back of my mind because of the World Health Organization's recommendation about how long to breastfeed, so considering we made it to within a week of his second birthday, I'm pretty happy with how the whole thing went. I had an incredibly easy time nursing him from practically the first day and felt so lucky that our nursing relationship was so long and prosperous, but it was time to nudge him off of that one last naptime nursing each day so that I could have my boobs back for a few months. They were telling me how ready they were, and I strongly believe in listening to my pregnant body when it tells me that it would like to devote all its resources to growing a new baby. Kent doesn't seem upset to have given it up, because we (Jack, Kent and I) talked for a couple of months about how he's growing up and doesn't need to nurse all the time the way babies do, and we also told him that soon it would be time to say "Bye bye, ya ya" (his word for nursing). There was also lots of positive encouragement about all the things he can do now that he's getting bigger, just so he doesn't think that growing up only means giving up things he likes. I loved involving him in the process instead of just springing it on him, and I think that if he were a pacifier kid I would have wanted to do the same thing. It's good for both of us that he's weaned, and since he was only nursing once a day, I haven't felt any ill effects like engorgement; the only ill effect is that it's very difficult to convince him to take a nap without that cue he's so used to having. Some days, I'm able to get him to fall asleep in the car and then put him in his bed when we get home, but if he's been asleep in the car for longer than 15 minutes, it doesn't work and he's just awake for the rest of the day. No amount of naptime routine seems to be doing the trick, and I'm not sure whether we'll ever get him back on a predictable after-lunch nap the way he was before. Several of my friends here in town have kids slightly older than Kent who have given up napping, often around the time they weaned, so I guess I'm bracing myself for the possibility that he's just going to be awake all day, every day. I feel like he still needs that afternoon nap, but if I can't help him fall asleep, we're kind of stuck. Anyway, that's not for any of you to worry about — I just wanted to share it.
Kent has made great strides with potty training lately, starting to tell us when he needs to go (though so far, it's only a couple of times a day that it occurs to him). I'm so proud of him, and he seems to be getting that it's something he should be proud of, too — he gets especially excited when he makes a poop in the potty and I sing the poopy song I made up for him. Today, he pooped on the potty shortly after we finished watching A Bug's Life, and Kent looked down in the potty and remarked, "K have grasshopper poopoo." I guess it's because it was brown like the grasshoppers in the movie... he says all kinds of weird stuff these days, and I love it. I decided that once I kick this first trimester nonsense, we're going to shift potty training into a higher gear, perhaps taking the bare-bottom approach and certainly getting some training pants. It would be amazing if he were mostly done with training by the time the baby comes, though I'll certainly expect accidents and some regression when he and I are both faced with such a drastic change to our routine.
In other news, Jack has basically taken over the gardening duties for two reasons: (1) I *hate* going outside in this heat wave, and (2) fresh vegetables are really getting to me, a random and most unwelcomed consequence of the first trimester. The sight/thought/mention of fresh tomatoes actually makes me gag. How bizarre is that, given my usual adoration of them?? I don't like it.
I was thinking yesterday about all this sickness and how I thought when I was pregnant with Kent that maybe we'd just have one kid, because it would be very hard for me to gear myself up for feeling this way again. Of course, I did it again anyway, and I don't think it's because I forgot how it felt. I think it's analogous to the 20-some-hour flight to Australia. If you want to see Australia, you just have to take that incredibly long flight. But then you're there, and you see Australia, and you think it was totally worth it even though the flight was obnoxious. This is all idle speculation, since I've never been anywhere in the Southern hemisphere, but I'm guessing that's what it feels like. So I get through it, because I love my son more than anything and I want him to have a sibling, and I want us to have another child to share our lives with.
And I'm still happy, even in the midst of feeling like crap on toast.
Yesterday was a rotten day in terms of how I was feeling. It was my first throw-up day, and I just wanted my mommy. I think I only had about three of those days when I was pregnant with Kent (though I had my two and a half months of constant nausea and motion sickness), and all of the incidents occurred when I was rushing around and trying to get a lot done. My favorite memory is of being doubled over by the side of I-10 on the way to the airport at Christmas, then getting to the airport too late for our very early flight because I just couldn't get it together. While I was being sick yesterday morning, Kent was in his room playing, and for some reason he found the sound of it hilarious, so he was giggling the whole time. I thought, "Well, at least I'm entertaining him." It actually made it a little more bearable, surprisingly. Afterward, we got through a fun playgroup and made it home in one piece, but once I realized he wasn't going to take a nap when we got home, I completely ran out of energy and spent the rest of the afternoon lying on the sofa with movies in the DVD player. Every time I moved, I felt the nausea hit me again, so I tried to remain motionless except for cooking myself a potato in the oven. I managed to hold off on calling Jack until 3:30, when I begged him to come home an hour early. Yeck. I'm really thankful that I have that option, but I can't do it often, or he won't have any vacation time for travels or for when the baby comes.
And there's Kent's party. I'm excited, even though I feel like crap on toast most days. Party prep is going well so far, and things are mostly under control. We're going to have a sunny (read: ridiculously hot) morning at the sprayground with friends, lunchy foods and a cake, and a book swap for all the kids so that everyone gets to go home with a new book and nobody feels like they have to bring a gift for Kent. There are a few gazebos at the sprayground, and a friend of mine who lives nearby has offered to get there early to help claim a gazebo, so we should at least have some respite from the sun while we're eating and visiting. When I asked Kent about a cake several months ago, he informed me that he wanted a yellow cake with blue frosting. This quickly became a Nemo party in my mind, so we're having Nemo and fishy decorations. I'm trying this recipe and making blue cream cheese frosting instead of the whipped stuff it calls for, because I never get tired of cream cheese frosting. Also, I assembled all the little treat bags today, with stickers, Swedish fish, Goldfish crackers, Nemo splash balls (we have to have SOME kind of water toy), and a fun squiggly straw for each kid. Tomorrow's highlights will include grocery shopping for the remaining lunch items, and baking the cake. I'm also working in some rest time, since our wonderful friend Mary is taking Kent for part of the afternoon. I have really needed some rest time lately but have felt like a totally lame mom for popping him in front of a movie every day, even though I keep telling myself that it's only for the next month or so.
The reason we're not having enough rest time is that Kent's naps have been sporadic for the last couple of weeks, because we've weaned. Celebrate this new phase of his big-boyhood! I always had nursing until age 2 in the back of my mind because of the World Health Organization's recommendation about how long to breastfeed, so considering we made it to within a week of his second birthday, I'm pretty happy with how the whole thing went. I had an incredibly easy time nursing him from practically the first day and felt so lucky that our nursing relationship was so long and prosperous, but it was time to nudge him off of that one last naptime nursing each day so that I could have my boobs back for a few months. They were telling me how ready they were, and I strongly believe in listening to my pregnant body when it tells me that it would like to devote all its resources to growing a new baby. Kent doesn't seem upset to have given it up, because we (Jack, Kent and I) talked for a couple of months about how he's growing up and doesn't need to nurse all the time the way babies do, and we also told him that soon it would be time to say "Bye bye, ya ya" (his word for nursing). There was also lots of positive encouragement about all the things he can do now that he's getting bigger, just so he doesn't think that growing up only means giving up things he likes. I loved involving him in the process instead of just springing it on him, and I think that if he were a pacifier kid I would have wanted to do the same thing. It's good for both of us that he's weaned, and since he was only nursing once a day, I haven't felt any ill effects like engorgement; the only ill effect is that it's very difficult to convince him to take a nap without that cue he's so used to having. Some days, I'm able to get him to fall asleep in the car and then put him in his bed when we get home, but if he's been asleep in the car for longer than 15 minutes, it doesn't work and he's just awake for the rest of the day. No amount of naptime routine seems to be doing the trick, and I'm not sure whether we'll ever get him back on a predictable after-lunch nap the way he was before. Several of my friends here in town have kids slightly older than Kent who have given up napping, often around the time they weaned, so I guess I'm bracing myself for the possibility that he's just going to be awake all day, every day. I feel like he still needs that afternoon nap, but if I can't help him fall asleep, we're kind of stuck. Anyway, that's not for any of you to worry about — I just wanted to share it.
Kent has made great strides with potty training lately, starting to tell us when he needs to go (though so far, it's only a couple of times a day that it occurs to him). I'm so proud of him, and he seems to be getting that it's something he should be proud of, too — he gets especially excited when he makes a poop in the potty and I sing the poopy song I made up for him. Today, he pooped on the potty shortly after we finished watching A Bug's Life, and Kent looked down in the potty and remarked, "K have grasshopper poopoo." I guess it's because it was brown like the grasshoppers in the movie... he says all kinds of weird stuff these days, and I love it. I decided that once I kick this first trimester nonsense, we're going to shift potty training into a higher gear, perhaps taking the bare-bottom approach and certainly getting some training pants. It would be amazing if he were mostly done with training by the time the baby comes, though I'll certainly expect accidents and some regression when he and I are both faced with such a drastic change to our routine.
In other news, Jack has basically taken over the gardening duties for two reasons: (1) I *hate* going outside in this heat wave, and (2) fresh vegetables are really getting to me, a random and most unwelcomed consequence of the first trimester. The sight/thought/mention of fresh tomatoes actually makes me gag. How bizarre is that, given my usual adoration of them?? I don't like it.
I was thinking yesterday about all this sickness and how I thought when I was pregnant with Kent that maybe we'd just have one kid, because it would be very hard for me to gear myself up for feeling this way again. Of course, I did it again anyway, and I don't think it's because I forgot how it felt. I think it's analogous to the 20-some-hour flight to Australia. If you want to see Australia, you just have to take that incredibly long flight. But then you're there, and you see Australia, and you think it was totally worth it even though the flight was obnoxious. This is all idle speculation, since I've never been anywhere in the Southern hemisphere, but I'm guessing that's what it feels like. So I get through it, because I love my son more than anything and I want him to have a sibling, and I want us to have another child to share our lives with.
And I'm still happy, even in the midst of feeling like crap on toast.
Labels: belly, Beta, Dean, flora, greening, Kent, kitchen adventures, LLL
- posted by erica 7/01/2009 08:41:00 PM
- 5 comments
4.03.2009
Regaining a foothold
Something has been different this week. After my outburst of frustration and despondency on Sunday, I talked with several of my mom friends from my attachment parenting group here in town about weaning and the emotions that come with it. A few suggested that part of what I might have been feeling was loss of identity after the abandonment of my PhD program, something I certainly can't discount.
One mom who weaned a nursing toddler partly because of feelings similar to mine suggested I look at LLL's How Weaning Happens, so I flipped through a few pages on Amazon's online reader. I'm so glad that resource was available to me at that moment. Reading about different approaches to weaning and the different reasons moms choose to do it helped me immensely. For some reason, I had been putting a lot of pressure on myself and on Kent to just get it over with and wean as quickly as possible, but I realized while I was reading that I didn't have to do it all at once. Might seem obvious, given my tendency toward sensitive parenting, but I was in a weird headspace about the whole thing. So there was one big sigh of relief. For a week now, Jack's been getting Kent to bed at night without nursing but we've kept his morning and naptime nursing sessions. I feel such peace at knowing that this gobbledy-gook mess of emotions I'm dealing with is completely normal. I'm also thankful for the reminders I got about how Kent would need me to compensate for that loss of emotional connection he was feeling, so I've been very deliberate about tuning into him this week.
We've had five great days in a row. This is practically unheard of for us. I've been more creative, energetic, and patient than I've been in months. We've had fun things to do each day — some with our playgroup, some solo — and I've been taking the time to enjoy his blossoming language, his movement, and his overall Kent-ness. I've also been using his naptime to do productive and fun things, like getting a head start on cooking that night's dinner and indulging in some crafty behavior. Rather than sitting in front of the TV with lunch or a snack during his nap and unplugging from my life, I've been doing all the things that are challenging to do when he's awake, so I actually feel ready for him to wake up from his nap and for us to move on to the next thing (instead of groaning that he's already awake, which I admit that I do fairly often).
I've also been able to do more cleaning with him around than I used to be able to do, so I've been sweeping and straightening a bit each day with his "help" and generally feeling better about the space in which we live. We have a big cleaning session ahead of us this weekend in preparation for next week's Easter craft party and then Jack's parents coming for Easter, so I was glad to get a jump start on some necessary cleaning activities. My back has been killing me after all this productivity, but I feel happy and fulfilled at night when I lie down to sleep instead of just emotionally exhausted, so it's worth it.
I need to remember this week whenever I start feeling like an ineffective parent again. I know I'm not a bad mother, I just think that, from time to time, we all feel ineffective at whatever we do. So I expect that sense of inadequacy to rear its ugly head again sometime, but I think I'm able to confront it with a little more certainty in myself each time it returns. I live, I get stronger, and we're all better off for it.
One mom who weaned a nursing toddler partly because of feelings similar to mine suggested I look at LLL's How Weaning Happens, so I flipped through a few pages on Amazon's online reader. I'm so glad that resource was available to me at that moment. Reading about different approaches to weaning and the different reasons moms choose to do it helped me immensely. For some reason, I had been putting a lot of pressure on myself and on Kent to just get it over with and wean as quickly as possible, but I realized while I was reading that I didn't have to do it all at once. Might seem obvious, given my tendency toward sensitive parenting, but I was in a weird headspace about the whole thing. So there was one big sigh of relief. For a week now, Jack's been getting Kent to bed at night without nursing but we've kept his morning and naptime nursing sessions. I feel such peace at knowing that this gobbledy-gook mess of emotions I'm dealing with is completely normal. I'm also thankful for the reminders I got about how Kent would need me to compensate for that loss of emotional connection he was feeling, so I've been very deliberate about tuning into him this week.
We've had five great days in a row. This is practically unheard of for us. I've been more creative, energetic, and patient than I've been in months. We've had fun things to do each day — some with our playgroup, some solo — and I've been taking the time to enjoy his blossoming language, his movement, and his overall Kent-ness. I've also been using his naptime to do productive and fun things, like getting a head start on cooking that night's dinner and indulging in some crafty behavior. Rather than sitting in front of the TV with lunch or a snack during his nap and unplugging from my life, I've been doing all the things that are challenging to do when he's awake, so I actually feel ready for him to wake up from his nap and for us to move on to the next thing (instead of groaning that he's already awake, which I admit that I do fairly often).
I've also been able to do more cleaning with him around than I used to be able to do, so I've been sweeping and straightening a bit each day with his "help" and generally feeling better about the space in which we live. We have a big cleaning session ahead of us this weekend in preparation for next week's Easter craft party and then Jack's parents coming for Easter, so I was glad to get a jump start on some necessary cleaning activities. My back has been killing me after all this productivity, but I feel happy and fulfilled at night when I lie down to sleep instead of just emotionally exhausted, so it's worth it.
I need to remember this week whenever I start feeling like an ineffective parent again. I know I'm not a bad mother, I just think that, from time to time, we all feel ineffective at whatever we do. So I expect that sense of inadequacy to rear its ugly head again sometime, but I think I'm able to confront it with a little more certainty in myself each time it returns. I live, I get stronger, and we're all better off for it.
Labels: Freude, Kent, LLL, SAHM
- posted by erica 4/03/2009 03:51:00 PM
- 0 comments
1.01.2009
On extended breastfeeding
Kent is just a couple of days shy of 18 months, and breastfeeding is still going strong. I'm really proud of us. I've talked to many of you about extended breastfeeding and know that not everyone is as comfortable with it as I am, but you've all done a lovely job of respecting my decisions as a parent, and for that, I thank you.
I just heard about Dr. Jack Newman, who does a lot of research, public speaking, etc., about breastfeeding, and found this awesome set of Q&A handouts that he's written. I particularly liked the one entitled "Breastfeed a Toddler: Why on Earth?" which affirms many of my choices as a mom. Even though not everyone supports extended breastfeeding, I'm blessed (partly from the miracle of the internet and the connections it helps to forge) with a vast community of supporters. My monthly La Leche League meeting is still one of my favorite places to be, and I always look forward to it for advice, reconnecting with the friends I've made there, anecdotes, and reassurance that whatever crazy thing we're going through is, in fact, quite normal. It always is.
I was sitting in our living room this evening after dinner, with Mom and Bill still at our house before we put Kent to bed, and Kent sat with me and nursed for a few minutes in the middle of everyone's conversations. I thought it would be weird, but it wasn't. We also nursed at the park yesterday for a few minutes, even though I almost always feel like we've passed the point of social acceptance of public nursing, because Kent was wonky and tired and I needed a break from his crankiness. It works like a charm. It's like a reset button. And it reminds him that he's still loved and treasured, which is what toddlers testing their independence so often need from their parents.
It's such a perfect system. I just needed to share that.
I just heard about Dr. Jack Newman, who does a lot of research, public speaking, etc., about breastfeeding, and found this awesome set of Q&A handouts that he's written. I particularly liked the one entitled "Breastfeed a Toddler: Why on Earth?" which affirms many of my choices as a mom. Even though not everyone supports extended breastfeeding, I'm blessed (partly from the miracle of the internet and the connections it helps to forge) with a vast community of supporters. My monthly La Leche League meeting is still one of my favorite places to be, and I always look forward to it for advice, reconnecting with the friends I've made there, anecdotes, and reassurance that whatever crazy thing we're going through is, in fact, quite normal. It always is.
I was sitting in our living room this evening after dinner, with Mom and Bill still at our house before we put Kent to bed, and Kent sat with me and nursed for a few minutes in the middle of everyone's conversations. I thought it would be weird, but it wasn't. We also nursed at the park yesterday for a few minutes, even though I almost always feel like we've passed the point of social acceptance of public nursing, because Kent was wonky and tired and I needed a break from his crankiness. It works like a charm. It's like a reset button. And it reminds him that he's still loved and treasured, which is what toddlers testing their independence so often need from their parents.
It's such a perfect system. I just needed to share that.
- posted by erica 1/01/2009 10:39:00 PM
- 3 comments
7.10.2008
Adjusting
Kent and I are both adjusting to his school routine. He has demonstrated his adjustment by having two great days in a row, both with good eating and good naps and no crying when I came to pick him up. He cries hard when I leave him, but he always stops after I've walked away (I know because I wait and listen in the hall). He's seeming to have a fun time. Yay.
I have demonstrated my adjustment today by taking a nap. Since he was born, I've probably taken only a dozen or so naps, because his nap lengths are so unpredictable that I have a hard time lying down only to be awoken 10 or 20 minutes later. When that happens, I feel worse than before I tried to fall asleep, and I'm usually resentful of him as well. So I skip naps most of the time and have learned just to push through the day. This morning, though, I felt so tired when I was getting him ready for school that I decided to skip my morning coffee and just try to sleep when I got home. I lay down around 9:30 and took a few minutes to fall asleep, and before I knew it, I was waking up and it was almost 11. I felt a little groggy, but I was so glad to have gotten a nice nap that I put on a happy face and had a great rest of the day, amazingly refreshed.
I've noticed this week that he's nursing less and I'm producing less, partly because of school and partly because he's started drinking cow's milk at lunch and dinner. I don't even leak at night anymore (I know you wanted to know that), even on nights like last night, when he sleeps 9 or 10 hours straight. He still nurses a handful of times during the day and gets in a good feeding just before bed — I'm not sure how we'd get him to sleep otherwise. He and I are still a happy nursing couple, so unless something comes up, we'll probably continue on with it as long as it's working for us both. I like the idea of child-led weaning, and though I used to think that a 2- or 3-year-old still breastfeeding was pretty odd, I've come to realize that it's normal in most of the rest of the world and that Americans just have kind of a weird hangup about it. He continues to get nutritional benefits and my antibodies from it, as well as bonding/comfort, so it's good for us. Having the support of my other LLL moms, most of whom nurse 2- and 3-year-olds, has helped immensely.
In an unrelated story, Kent had his one-year checkup earlier this week. He's grown to 29 inches, putting him at the 50th percentile for height (a drop from his previous 75th), but his weight has almost dropped off the chart. He's barely 19 pounds, but he always has a ton of energy and doesn't seem to be lacking nutrition. I was a little concerned before our visit, but his doctor said she wouldn't worry yet but that we'd revisit his weight at his 15-month checkup. He had two shots again this time, and after a brief protest from the pain, he got two matching Peanuts bandaids on his little thighs. So cute.
So our little boy continues to grow and change. I was telling my grandmother today that every couple of months or so, it seems like he's a completely different person because of this lightning-quick development in the first few years.
Also, he's eating crayons. I guess we'll stick to fingerpaint as his main mode of expression, at least for a little while.
I have demonstrated my adjustment today by taking a nap. Since he was born, I've probably taken only a dozen or so naps, because his nap lengths are so unpredictable that I have a hard time lying down only to be awoken 10 or 20 minutes later. When that happens, I feel worse than before I tried to fall asleep, and I'm usually resentful of him as well. So I skip naps most of the time and have learned just to push through the day. This morning, though, I felt so tired when I was getting him ready for school that I decided to skip my morning coffee and just try to sleep when I got home. I lay down around 9:30 and took a few minutes to fall asleep, and before I knew it, I was waking up and it was almost 11. I felt a little groggy, but I was so glad to have gotten a nice nap that I put on a happy face and had a great rest of the day, amazingly refreshed.
I've noticed this week that he's nursing less and I'm producing less, partly because of school and partly because he's started drinking cow's milk at lunch and dinner. I don't even leak at night anymore (I know you wanted to know that), even on nights like last night, when he sleeps 9 or 10 hours straight. He still nurses a handful of times during the day and gets in a good feeding just before bed — I'm not sure how we'd get him to sleep otherwise. He and I are still a happy nursing couple, so unless something comes up, we'll probably continue on with it as long as it's working for us both. I like the idea of child-led weaning, and though I used to think that a 2- or 3-year-old still breastfeeding was pretty odd, I've come to realize that it's normal in most of the rest of the world and that Americans just have kind of a weird hangup about it. He continues to get nutritional benefits and my antibodies from it, as well as bonding/comfort, so it's good for us. Having the support of my other LLL moms, most of whom nurse 2- and 3-year-olds, has helped immensely.
In an unrelated story, Kent had his one-year checkup earlier this week. He's grown to 29 inches, putting him at the 50th percentile for height (a drop from his previous 75th), but his weight has almost dropped off the chart. He's barely 19 pounds, but he always has a ton of energy and doesn't seem to be lacking nutrition. I was a little concerned before our visit, but his doctor said she wouldn't worry yet but that we'd revisit his weight at his 15-month checkup. He had two shots again this time, and after a brief protest from the pain, he got two matching Peanuts bandaids on his little thighs. So cute.
So our little boy continues to grow and change. I was telling my grandmother today that every couple of months or so, it seems like he's a completely different person because of this lightning-quick development in the first few years.
Also, he's eating crayons. I guess we'll stick to fingerpaint as his main mode of expression, at least for a little while.
- posted by erica 7/10/2008 07:55:00 PM
- 3 comments
5.14.2008
Current anxiety < Previous anxiety
A little mathy thing, in honor of Jack's exam tomorrow morning.
The anxiety to which I'm referring is that over the sippy cup issue, about which I have blogged at length. No, Kent hasn't figured out the cup thing yet, or if he has, perhaps he's made a conscious decision not to do it because he decided that drinking out of a cup is for sissies. But after some great talks with the other moms at LLL yesterday, I realized that Kent is, in fact, going to survive. (Most of you probably never doubted this fact, but motherhood does crazy things to one's ability to reason.) The basic consensus among these moms was that most babies who only like to nurse and don't like bottles/cups will just kind of hold their hunger in, or it won't occur to them that they want to nurse until they see Mom again at the end of the day. Another good point that one of the moms brought up is that Kent might actually learn to use a cup from the other kids, who I assume will be more adept at this task than he. They assured me that he was going to be okay, and one of the moms in particular urged me to focus on the time I'll still have with him, rather than having so much guilt about the two days he'll be in school. I was just so relieved at the end of our discussion that I felt like the sun had come out after a long, cloudy winter.
This is what I love about LLL (which Jeannette has just discovered — yay!). We talk about problems we're having, breastfeeding-related or not, and get frank advice and helpful anecdotes from each other. I'm so glad I found this group a year ago. These women are the closest thing I have to a tribe. I wish we met more than once a month.
The anxiety to which I'm referring is that over the sippy cup issue, about which I have blogged at length. No, Kent hasn't figured out the cup thing yet, or if he has, perhaps he's made a conscious decision not to do it because he decided that drinking out of a cup is for sissies. But after some great talks with the other moms at LLL yesterday, I realized that Kent is, in fact, going to survive. (Most of you probably never doubted this fact, but motherhood does crazy things to one's ability to reason.) The basic consensus among these moms was that most babies who only like to nurse and don't like bottles/cups will just kind of hold their hunger in, or it won't occur to them that they want to nurse until they see Mom again at the end of the day. Another good point that one of the moms brought up is that Kent might actually learn to use a cup from the other kids, who I assume will be more adept at this task than he. They assured me that he was going to be okay, and one of the moms in particular urged me to focus on the time I'll still have with him, rather than having so much guilt about the two days he'll be in school. I was just so relieved at the end of our discussion that I felt like the sun had come out after a long, cloudy winter.
This is what I love about LLL (which Jeannette has just discovered — yay!). We talk about problems we're having, breastfeeding-related or not, and get frank advice and helpful anecdotes from each other. I'm so glad I found this group a year ago. These women are the closest thing I have to a tribe. I wish we met more than once a month.
- posted by erica 5/14/2008 09:36:00 PM
- 1 comments
6.11.2007
LLL
I went to my first La Leche League meeting this morning, and I have to say, they're not scary at all.
It's very important to me to breastfeed my baby, but I'm a little nervous about those first few weeks as he's learning to latch on, I'm establishing a good supply, and we're getting into the routine of nursing so that it becomes easier. I heard a not-so-great story about one of the lactation consultants at the hospital where I'll be giving birth, so I was eager to find more people in town who might be able to help if Kent and I have problems at first (and/or later on, I guess). The lactation consultant I work with might be fine, but this story really made me angry, so I want to make sure I have backup experts on breastfeeding to talk to. I've been reading the LLL book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (gotta love that title), and every third paragraph or so they like to remind the reader that she can always come to a meeting or contact a local LLL leader for help or questions, so I decided to take them up on this generous offer.
They meet every month in a comfy little room at a church about ten minutes from our house, and there's also a nighttime meeting some other time of the month at another place (though the morning meeting time will work better for me, I think). There were a bunch of moms with kids, some of whom are still nursing at age 2 or 3, which I think is great if it's working for the family, and they were all completely willing to open up and share advice, stories, etc., with me and the other newbies at the meeting. Several of them have teething babies, so they were commiserating on that and talking with each other about how to get through the biting stage. Ow. The advice I heard the most from the other moms was to trust my own instincts about nursing, since they might be counter to medical advice I receive but are coming from thousands of years of maternal intuition and human experience. They didn't just talk about nursing, either — there was much discussion of cloth diapers (and I found a brand called Fuzzi Bunz that I'm REALLY excited about), introducing solid foods, Gymboree classes, signing with babies, going back to work, etc. I got the impression that there's usually some kind of structured program, but one of the leaders suddenly wasn't able to come, so we all introduced ourselves, had some snacks, played with the kids, and just sat around and talked for almost two hours. One of the other newbies at the meeting has an 8-week-old daughter, and after we started talking, I found out that she's from Blacksburg (just like Jack) and went to Virginia Tech, where both of her parents still work. She and her husband had just moved to Baton Rouge when their daughter was born, and she didn't know many people in town yet so was looking to connect with other moms. This is one of my primary motives for having gone to the meeting as well, because I have friends in town, certainly, but most of them are years away from having kids. They've been very supportive of the pregnancy and are excited to get to know and babysit Kent, but I know they won't be able to offer the same kind of support that other parents can.
Anyway, the meeting was a success all around, and I'll definitely be back with an infant in my arms the next time, unless he's really late, in which case I'll just be grumpy and hot!
It's very important to me to breastfeed my baby, but I'm a little nervous about those first few weeks as he's learning to latch on, I'm establishing a good supply, and we're getting into the routine of nursing so that it becomes easier. I heard a not-so-great story about one of the lactation consultants at the hospital where I'll be giving birth, so I was eager to find more people in town who might be able to help if Kent and I have problems at first (and/or later on, I guess). The lactation consultant I work with might be fine, but this story really made me angry, so I want to make sure I have backup experts on breastfeeding to talk to. I've been reading the LLL book The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (gotta love that title), and every third paragraph or so they like to remind the reader that she can always come to a meeting or contact a local LLL leader for help or questions, so I decided to take them up on this generous offer.
They meet every month in a comfy little room at a church about ten minutes from our house, and there's also a nighttime meeting some other time of the month at another place (though the morning meeting time will work better for me, I think). There were a bunch of moms with kids, some of whom are still nursing at age 2 or 3, which I think is great if it's working for the family, and they were all completely willing to open up and share advice, stories, etc., with me and the other newbies at the meeting. Several of them have teething babies, so they were commiserating on that and talking with each other about how to get through the biting stage. Ow. The advice I heard the most from the other moms was to trust my own instincts about nursing, since they might be counter to medical advice I receive but are coming from thousands of years of maternal intuition and human experience. They didn't just talk about nursing, either — there was much discussion of cloth diapers (and I found a brand called Fuzzi Bunz that I'm REALLY excited about), introducing solid foods, Gymboree classes, signing with babies, going back to work, etc. I got the impression that there's usually some kind of structured program, but one of the leaders suddenly wasn't able to come, so we all introduced ourselves, had some snacks, played with the kids, and just sat around and talked for almost two hours. One of the other newbies at the meeting has an 8-week-old daughter, and after we started talking, I found out that she's from Blacksburg (just like Jack) and went to Virginia Tech, where both of her parents still work. She and her husband had just moved to Baton Rouge when their daughter was born, and she didn't know many people in town yet so was looking to connect with other moms. This is one of my primary motives for having gone to the meeting as well, because I have friends in town, certainly, but most of them are years away from having kids. They've been very supportive of the pregnancy and are excited to get to know and babysit Kent, but I know they won't be able to offer the same kind of support that other parents can.
Anyway, the meeting was a success all around, and I'll definitely be back with an infant in my arms the next time, unless he's really late, in which case I'll just be grumpy and hot!
- posted by erica 6/11/2007 12:20:00 PM
- 5 comments
